Understanding that children feel the “mana” behind our words more then what the words mean may help ease the pain of kids talking back at us.
Younger children grades K-4 feel 85% more then they “think” about what you are saying. So if you are upset while talking they are just going to hear the “heaviness” or “loudness” of your voice. This turns anyone off. This will delay any response from them to follow your directions. As time runs out more anxiety, frustration and anger can amplify the problem.
Take deep breath OUT 5-7 seconds longer then your inhalations. Do this for 2-3 minutes. Long exhalations calms and centers the nervous system for a short period. Then verbally and calmly address what the child is doing, feeling, and wanting to do. Turning the table to meet their position captures awareness of his/herself personally and opens ears to your words. Now you have a window of attention long enough to hear what you want to share.
The older kids will want to talk back but talk to them like you are them talking to themselves (from inside…compassionately). I know it’s hard when we are upset but just give it a try and see if the results is worth the challenge. What is going on with them? What do they need to hear? If they are angry something deeper is really going on. What is it?
Asking these questions to yourself while talking to your children OPENS ears and hearts for listening.